last day in Ho Chi Minh - need to leave for airport in 3 hours and no mental energy to brave the crazy city so hiding in hotel.

My parting shot: Me me MEEEEEE

Seriously

You know you need a holiday badly when the prospect of a 13 hour flight is enticing as you will not be obliged to be doing anything other than sitting and wasting time.

Half a day left!

Paper is almost drafted, some of the discussion still to do (will be half assed). Slightly over word limit at the moment. Going into work for final bollocking this afternoon.

Missing my dance peeps. Something intense happened to me last weekend, some sort of chemical bonding to them! I'm sure being in Vietnam will help with that!!! Even though looks like its a bit typhoon-y there at the moment. Tropical rain beats grey UK blah anyday!

Some chav in a royal mail jacket just came past our block of flats (I am on ground floor working with clear view of road). I saw him ask a passer by for the time. You see, one of the changes all this striking is about is about re-arranging their pay so they can't get away with doing their round as fast and as hafl assed as possible and then go home early.

There are about 5 letters for our block of flats (which has no number but is basically number 0 as we are opposite number 1 and next to number 2, and is clearly named with 'XXX house' above the door)

We have post for flats in number 2 (different postcode but moderately understandable I guess) and even better, numbers 8, 10, 38 and 40.

Better still they will strike again later this week.

Fucking hell.

I wonder how much of my missing post is scattered throughout wimbledon?!

Thankfully my car tax disc is going to my parents address and my holiday documents were sent by email so nothing desperately important left missing.

The postal strikes are meant to be over in my area since last Tuesday. The post for our block of flats is delivered through a communal post box and then whoever finds it dumps it (the more enthusiastic sort it into piles) on a table in a communal hallway. Its a small, nice modern block of flats full of young professionals so this is safe enough. So even if there wasn't any post for N or I, with 10 other flats and about 20 other residents you'd expect to see some post there everyday. No new post to entire block since Friday!!!! I find it hard to believe all 20-25 residents have had nothing posted to them in that time!!! Fucking lazy royal mail bastards!

According to the Royal Mail website, my area (SW19) is only supposed to have been on strike one day a week last week and this week. But, I only had post Monday and Friday last week (just after I left for congress of course - leaving the dreaded red card and a parcel fuck knows if i will ever get) and this week have only had post on Monday and some letters today but none of the billionty parcels I am waiting for (including the recorded one they said they could redeliver today). When I went on an internet shopping spree 2 weeks ago I wasn't aware these strikes would happen as they are keeping them hidden well.

Either the Royal Mail website is lying, there are extra wildcat strikes or something, or someone is stealing all my parcels. Play.com posted me 2 t shirts last Friday morning and i got the shipping emails within an hour of each other - one arrived on Monday, one still in limbo somewhere. My weekly food boxes that are sent from Middlesex - i.e. just outside of London and quite near me are currently taking a WEEK longer than usual. 1-2 days delay my ASS.

Fucking hell

I didn't get a bloody pay rise (not a cost of living one, I did go a point up the scale but that's different) last year or this year and I just have to live with it because the economy is in the shitter. Deal with it post people, or get another job. If you want more pay, go and get some education/training for a better job. If I wanted fat wads of cash I'd go an train to work in the City, I chose this career knowing scientists will always be underpaid and underappreciated, why should the choice to be a postman be any different?

I didn't say goodbye to anyone really because Moyra and I left as soon as it was clear there was no more Randa dancing, to get out of the car park (and therefore home) before it went insane. So tired today.

No energy for big post but wow, an ahem *interesting* weekend.

Randa is awesome. I felt like I was keeping up better than before in her workshops, but I guess having done some of the choreos before in Nottingham is cheating. I didn't really do any other workshops that I had a brain capable of taking in as Randa melted my brain for the day, although Yasmina's Om Koulthoum once was nice and chilled out. I was embarrasing in Khaled's on Sunday evening. Just a zombie incapable of doing anything :-s.

Otherwise, eye-opening on many, many, levels. I have seen some shocking behaviour from people that should know better, and some people lived up exactly to my bad expectations of them. The food was shite. Friday was the best day because we went to the pub for lunch and the chippie for dinner. Sadly we were too lazy to leave the complex the rest of the weekend.

In a more positive eye opening way, although I felt like I was being lazy watching both competitions instead of doing workshops, I think it was actually quite educational. I think most people had picked the top 2 picks for the pro competition, but the amateaur one was . . .interesting, not what I expected. Obviously I know I can't be totally objective regarding Caroline as I've known her for years and seen how much she had upped her game for this comp, but aside from that, hmmm I guess the judges had a completely different set of priorities. Anyway, it took the mystique away from competitions, UK ones at least. I should give one a shot, and not worry obessivly about 100% perfect technique, rather I think my style is distinct enough from what I saw to stand out on its own merits.

But to finish the shit sandwich, Randa was awesome. I have an actual physical reaction when her music starts playing, like having an exam and falling in love all in one, the racing heart, the sweaty palms etc. I teared up at one point, I need to find that song and play it obessivly as it has such Randa vibes for me.

The rest of the shows were mainly good, with some WTF moments. I think they really should have swapped friday and sunday shows tho, its really unfair to both participants and Randa that a lot of people couldn't stay for the Sunday show. Dissing of Randa by the organisational powers seemed to be a theme of the weekend tho. I hope she knows we still love her.

Khaled was also awesome (of course), Yasmina was really on form last night, really relaxed and full of joy. She is always good but last night she was also awesome and the dealing with the cane issue (it broke in a very awkward way) just made her even more awesome. Really impressed with Anasma, really different (Rachel who? LOL). The highlight for me was the slo mo fighting part, hilarious. N would have liked that I think.

Um . . Fifi of course. Something you have to experience once in your life!

Congrats to Khalida! She really shined on stage, looked really in her element.

Best get on with some work!

Was going to go to the gym this morning. Yeah, I'm crazy, but as far as addictions go obsessivly going 3 times a week is a fairly healthy one.

I really still ache from Weds though, I got a new program a few weeks ago and it is still kicking my ass becuase I can't go as consistently as I'd like with all the dance rehearsals etc. The ache isn't so bad it will affect today (although not shoulders are up to 2 hours of Randa arms) but its probably really not wise to go today. Damn, next avaliable op is next Weds, a week later!! Maybe I can be naughty and go at lunchtime on Monday - the benefits of working form home for a bit! Although, I was going to go and do some lab work on Mon. Hmmm.

But I don't think I'll be on the 'Tru blood' bandwagon anytime soon. N and I have run out of other downloads to watch so we tried to watch the first episode. I think I have a new record for number of eye-rolls in one hour. I didn't expect much from a TV show where the only 'fan buzz' is about who is going to bloody sleep with who and who is 'hot', but it was even worse than I expected with all the ridiculous stereotyped people (sassy black girl Check! Camp gay guy Check! Scruffy but lovable unrequited love slightly floppy emo guy CHECK!) and emo 'oooh I'm so broody' crap. I wish I could have the last hour of my life back! I actually enjoyed watching the main character get the shit kicked out of her at the end.

In other news, N and I have been enjoying 'defying gravity' but it looks like it will be cancelled :-(

There seems to be a chilidish spat between two bellydance photographers on facebook. One I have met, and I haven't exactly warmed to as a person (and his behaviour in this isn't helping), and the other I've never met at all (and he doens't seem to be UK based) yet he has messaged me about something the other one wrote. At the moment the spat is fully visable on both their walls.

All it means is its unlikely I will ever use either of them, although it does seem to be from the evidence at hand that the London based one is being petty - maybe Tracey Gibbs should threaten him of copying 'her formula' - I'm sure she's been around even longer!!!!

I really need some pro photos as I need to make new business cards and my old design had pictures of me at my heaviest. Maybe I should suck it up and get a shoot with Tracey but its £££ plus a trip to Manchester with my non-existent free time! Hmmmm

I still can't muster up any enthusiasm for Congress despite the prospect of 3 Randa workshops and Fifi (catching the odd glimpse between people's heads is the best I'm hoping for). Mind you, I can't muster up enthusiasm for anything at the moment, I am broken, I don't think my body is able to make any more adrenaline, it's dry (except occasionally, when I am trying to sleep, which isn't helpful). Also live in constant state of aches and pains and fatigue, not only from dancing and gym etc but also from the intense solid lab work (e.g. 6 hours stood at a hot buzzing tissue culture cabinet) - but 2 weeks ago all the exercise only made me feel more alive, now it just drains me.

Serious work blahs is understandable, but I can't even get in the zone at dance rehearsals at the moment. Blah. With a paper to write in the next 4 weeks and the show coming up (and possible having to completely rearrange my holiday as it looks like the recession may have hit the tour we had booked) there is no opportunity to stop. Except maybe the congress will at least give me a mental break if not a physical one.

3 hooks on my costume needed re sewing

my CD burner seems to be producing Cds that skip, and N's produces Cds with no sound.

I can't find my 'original' copy of the drum solo off one of Khaled Mahmouds compilations of dubious legality

I might have to settle for the version that only skips once, and only on our older CD player and cross my fingers.

and the stuff i put in my hair to make it shiny has made it look greasy

Arhhghgh

bought Farida Fahmy's thesis. Quick scroll through - geektastic! Now to find to time to sit down and read it properly . . .

Got Yasmina’s new CD. Not as instantly in love as with Leila’s and Outi’s but maybe its a grower. Still leagues above most bellydance Cds. Nothing jumping out yet – some a nice to listen to but not sure how to dance to, and have always found her magencies and a bit too ‘cutesey’ and the sound a bit too produced for my tastes whereas Leila’s sound the closest to an actual band in Cairo. I was surprised on bhuz that some people think Leila’s are too synth-y? I guess they do have keyboard etc, but unless you are Dina that is what an average actual real life band for an average dancer in real actual Cairo sounds like. We all know how bhuzers concepts of reality sometimes are (um muslim thread anyone – half tempted to sarcastically post that I read that all Muslims have horns and a tail)

Getting a bit annoyed that people insist on putting tracks with the name in them on their CDs. Ok, its useful for you to have a recording for yourself (I know Outi was dancing somewhere with a CD still, even in Cairo), but it kind of makes them less useable for everyone else! E.g. Why did Leila waste a track on her overture which is all about ‘Leila’ (awesome as it is)? You can’t use that unless your name is Leila!! Leila and Yasmina both get name drops into a lot of their tracks. I don’t think Outi does, unless its as ‘Dunia’ and I haven’t noticed.

-Work mutherfuckers. Yeah, don't worry about my massive deadline and the fact that I'm working myself hard to the point people can see it in my eyes, I'll take on all the duties of the guy that is off instead of us sharing them. You can all fuck off. Was tempted to sneeze in the sterile serum i was aliquoting out for the lab . . that would serve them right.

-No I am really working form home becuase I have a day of data analysis and writing planned. Why? Becuase I feel like shit (maybe have given myself an ulcer?) and I hate you all and your fucking obese smokers snorty coughy noises (and could you perhaps not sneeze in the direction of my tea mug?) and your sitting around talking shit in the office instead helping with the 'communal' things. Its nice and peaceful and cunto free in my flat.

-When its not snorty cough sniff do I have to be followed by other people's shit music at loud volumes? There is a reason I have an mp3 player. It's manners. I actually used to like Muse. I can't stand Manu Chao because every european i ever met insists on playing that one damn album with the stupid sound effects about 15 times a day.

-Killing myself (and constantly risking serisouly pissing my boss off by leaving early) to get to rehearsal on time (after being semi guilt tripped into agreeing to 6pm starts) only for everyone else to be consistantly 15 min late and then fuck about doing a stupid 'warm up' consisting of about 20 types cold leg stretches (some with bouncing!) . . .leaving my torso still distinctly cold and stiff.

-On that note, I am busy and stressed too, but i just get on with it instead of making excuses and sob stories (LJ excepted!)

-By the way, Tamiflu only blocks the spreak of virus round the body so its only works early only on during the infection, but don't let stop the idiot medics or hypochondriacs

-Fucking idiot fucking medics. Am seriosuly tempted to get my malaria etc medications for my upcoming trip online on a dubious website as it seems all the travel -clinic competance in the entire UK is in one hospital in Edinburgh (big up the Western General!). Sadly I now live in useless London. Also, yes I have tried FUCKING ASPIRIN before for the migraines I've been having for over 10 years.

-and Oh yeah, god forbid if someone who looks after themselves and as an actual job ever actually wants to see a doctor. We can all fuck off, sorry the NHS is for chavs, grannies and annoying overly paranoid young 'mommies' only!

-oh yeah I know its all very trendy to pretend to be so fucking lefty blah blah blah, but really, the NHS is shit. Yes, its probably better than the US system (although I'm not entirely convinced I wouldn't do better there), but let's not pretend its the most fucking amazing thing ever. Its British. Its worn out and mediocre just like everything else.

-People that shake their head at you judgementally like you just raped a child if you make a stupid but minor mistake on the road (like misjudging and getting stuck blocking a junction in heavy traffic).

-Fucking HSBC and their fucking paranoid credit card fraud squad. Should I phone you in advance if I want to fart?

Fucking BMI website has ruined my evening and feel too pissed off to do anything productive with my rare evening off now. Now I've just sat about being lazy and had a muffin so I feel bloated and miserable.

Can you tell its that time of the month and I'm overtired?

Fuck off

My latest expensive hobby is playing around with rhinestones . . .

So far only designs for me (and some are still a bit wobbly), but at some point i think there is a niche for bellydance clothes with something other than bland clear stones/studs and various geekery (see thundercats!)

http://s793.photobucket.com/albums/yy216/blingtastic/bling%20designs/?albumview=grid

I am so sick of the swine flu hype. Now the government have set up a phone line where you can phone up or get anti-virals on the internet? Great. Let the paranoid hypochondriac people deplete all our supplies on their slight cough they have decided is swine flu (seriously fake swine flu is certainly an epidemic around here). Not that I really trust your everage GP to diagnose and handle this sensibly either. From my experince of GPs, elderly, children and chavs will get drugs for a sore throat or a hangover, taxpayers with actual jobs will be told to fuck off unless we are on our death beds (and they wonder why men of working age never go to the doctor?).

I really worry when this is all over and we have wasted all our drugs and efforts on mostly people that don't even have a disease which isn't even as bad as seasonal flu, then bird flu (which looks like it will be much nastier) is going to come along and fuck us up the ass. And we will deserve it. Pity those of us with common sense and a brain will be fucked by the actions of the rest of the idiotic British public/media too.

I actually wish I could get it now and get the whole thing over and done with. I an ancitpate nothing more than a few days in bed on a Deadwood marathon.

There is a Sunday morning debate program on TV that N and I always end up watching with our breakfast. Its sort of broadly vaguely religion based.

This morning the first debate was whether the UK should ban the niqab/burqa. Now, I haven’t contributed on bhuz about this, as I don’t really have anything useful to add to the debate. I think people should be free to do whatever the hell they want, but, also you have to draw a line somewhere. Recently some Hindus were banned from burning human remains in the open air etc is just one example I can think of. It’s not just Islam. Where that line is for legal enforcement, I don’t know, and I don’t understand how so many people on bhuz can ‘know’ for certain exactly where that line is. It’s a very complex issue, I can see both sides. Also, some very scary insight in the USA on that there thread.

There is also the atheist part of me that thinks all religions are ridiculous and the world would be a better place without them. But I don’t think you can address that with law (and not with atheist indoctrination camps either, yes I’m looking at you dawkins). I do sometimes wonder if I am artificially tolerant to Islam because of dancing. I have no qualms picking the idiocy of Christianity apart.

Anyway, they’d managed to find a niqab wearing women prepared to go on a TV show. I have to say her arguments weren’t very convincing. It was all ‘the imams and scholars say this’ and not a lot about HER own POSITIVE feelings/thoughts. When the TV host (quite reasonably) asked well why should men not cover their face to stop inflaming women’s desires she looked at the floor and clearly had nothing to say to that. She was not a very good advocate to show the mainly white Christian etc viewers the whole thing in a positive light.

Oh and later? When there was a debate about whether Catholic priests should be allowed to marry (who cares? It’s their choice to be a bloody priest) she, not the BNP racist guy, the soldiers etc, made the statement that if they were to marry maybe there would be less paedophilia in the catholic church. And NO-ONE pulled her up on that! I bet they would have if it was out of the mouth of some BNP type. Hmmm. I think yes, they are treated differently, sometimes its with kid gloves that wouldn’t be used on anyone else.

Oh and random bhuz thought: People that live in US/Europe say they don’t have some sort of gut reaction seeing a woman with a niqab vs a women in jeans and T shirt are lying to themselves. My personal one is more assuming she is judging me and thinking I am a whore. This is because my natural feeling, probably stemming from a shitty teenage life, is that everyone is judging me unfavourably.

Anyways . . .

Between bhuz and facebook I seem to have spent the entire day with people not actually reading what i have written and then patronisingly giving me an answers to a question I haven't asked. I should have known better really, when is it any other way?

The first 40 seconds of this are hilarious (then it probably moves to offensive:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdcrEo1eCBY

I bought rhinestone tops from that customized girl place. Then, via lots of ebaying for ready made letters, then realising kandy kanes are perfectly affordable as our hot fix rhinestones I came to the conclusion I should just make my own and they’d be a lot more fun. The only problem is though, where to get nice plain, flattering, fitted, cotton lycra clothes that don’t have stupid ruffles/shoulder pads/batwings/maternity/ as long as my knees/as short as my boobs etc??? Oh, and in nice plain basic colours not whatever pastel or puke colour is in fashion? A lot of high street stores do basic tops in limited colours but they are all 100% cotton and I know that means if its small enough to be fitted it will end up shrinking and going baggy at the same time as time wears on. I especially have a hard enough time finding plain zip up hoodies and cardigans that don’t make me look like a clown or a nun or a tulip as it is. Hmmm . . . .